My affair with saint Mary (mother of Jesus)

I decided to disclose these events. Maybe someone may relate with me about this. Maybe someone may give me an advice.

Once I read Gospel in ancient Greek (with help of a dictionary).

I translated it this way (numbers denote entries in Strong’s dictionary):

(Jn. 19:23-25) … soldiers (of celestial army) spread on couches {4757←4756←4766} who make it staying stable and insert staying near and continue safe and healthy and do not ashame staying ready in presence of others {4717←04716←2476}, they made their companions and reserved for themselves, took into their possession (somebody’s person) giving her access to themselves, took with hands (a person to use her), not rejecting but taking what is offered, His, Jesus’ garments for putting on… Also tunic (sacred clothes). But the tunic was whole from the above, North ¼ of the sky {509←507}, woven through all… And they were staying before others ready near the Jesus’ cross: mother of Jesus and a sister of the mother Maria and Klop’s wife and Maria Magdalene (raised bed) {3094←3093←heb. 4026}.

(It is something about sex, right? These women a spiritually called “Jesus’ garments”.)

Next I read:

25 But there were standing by the cross of Jesus his mother, and his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. 26 Therefore when Jesus saw his mother, and the disciple whom he loved standing there, he said to his mother, “Woman, behold your son!” 27 Then he said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” From that hour, the disciple took her to his own home.

“Woman” can also mean “fiancee” in Greek.

I decided that “the disciple whom he loved” is now me and (thinking that I should follow Gospel as a law) proclaimed to saint Mary (mother of Jesus): “I call you mother fiancee!”

After this they happened some wonders about saint Mary. I see no necessity to describe details of the wonders. One particular wonder was that TV and radio whenever I heard them were speaking with “double meaning” (with second meaning saint Mary speaking to me).

I dreamed about saint Mary to become my fiancee. She pointed me that I not just to dream but also to masturbate.

In that time I was in hostile relations with the world, especially with Russia where I lived that time. I was going to make spirits to war against Russia possibly using nuclear weapons. So I concluded that I am a hostile man and should be stopped. But I need to make war to accomplish my mission which God has called me to, thought I. Therefore I need both to make war and not to make war. This led me to dedicate much of my time to masturbating, because it is also a commandment of God to love the woman He has given to a man; following hippie-like philosophy “it’s better to engage in love rather than in a war”. Sexually aroused Mary did many more wonders, what as I thought might be as important as my mission.

I thought that saint Mary is incarnate in Mary, a daughter of Russian president Putin. I expected that God will make us meet soon.

Then I’ve read (Mat. 22) “1 Jesus answered and spoke again in parables to them, saying, 2 “The Kingdom of Heaven is like a certain king, who made a marriage feast for his son, 3 and sent out his servants to call those who were invited to the marriage feast, but they would not come. 4 Again he sent out other servants, saying, ‘Tell those who are invited, “Behold, I have prepared my dinner. My cattle and my fatlings are killed, and all things are ready. Come to the marriage feast!”’ 5 But they made light of it, and went their ways, one to his own farm, another to his merchandise, 6 and the rest grabbed his servants, and treated them shamefully, and killed them. 7 When the king heard that, he was angry, and sent his armies, destroyed those murderers, and burned their city.”

I decided: Because I am in marriage relations with saint Mary and nobody is to congratulate our wedding, the city Perm where I live should be destroyed with nuclear weapon. This is the punishment for ignoring me. Who ignore me are murderers because ignoring me they are pushing me to death of hunger. I am for them, as if I would not exist.

I also concluded from nearby Bible verses that the nuclear war will be before the end of the autumn. I was going through the city and proclaiming my “prophecy” that the city Perl will be destroyed by an army. You know this hasn’t happened.

Now you see how Gospel was perverted by me. We cannot follow sole Gospel anymore, we need to make our own free choices about what of exracted from the Gospel is right and what should be rejected. Don’t follow every example in Bible. For example, you should not follow after the biblical example of Cain. “Woe to them! For they went in the way of Cain, and ran riotously in the error of Balaam for hire, and perished in Korah’s rebellion.” (Jud. 1:11) It signifies the end of Gospel age and starting a new age, see my book.

My confession

Before I have converted to Christ, I was a madman and also a maniacal killer. I was returned into sound mind in one moment when I converted to Christ (I was in age 15 years).

I have become very jealous.

I was very proud by my mathematical talent. I had bad relations with people because of opinions on Bible. I was living in extreme poverty. I decided that I need to deal with country of my habitation (Russia that time). I thought that if I continue to live in Russia I could probably die of hunger, or at least live a useless life due my poverty and inability to do anything for this reason. I thought “Only one of us (me and Russia) can live, and me is more important because of mathematical research.” I decided that Russia should be destroyed by thermonuclear war and I could escape on a plane at the time of the war. (Read End of Gospel book for details.) I expected that this will be accomplished after my faith.

Later I studied a little of ancient Hebrew, and reading Bible I concluded that I must become a missionary in Africa, because some Hebrew words were similar to description of an African mission. (This was a false prophecy as I know now, because its details haven’t accomplished.) There were words in this Bible fragment denoting “will make very multitudinous”. I’ve concluded that through me will be saved at least 100 million people, and again I thought that me is more important than the entire Russia. I continued my thermonuclear warfare with even more zeal. Moreover, I decided that if my way would fail, then instead an asteroid should fall onto the Earth and “move” Africa to the Russia (by the way killing 90% of World population, in order to accomplish my plan).

One particular evil deed which I have really accomplished was 11 September. Once two American missionaries beat me. I decided that I should punish America and said to angels: “Destroy two skyscrapers with airplanes.” My words were accomplished a few years after I have said this.

By studying the above mentioned ancient Hebrew Bible fragment I have also concluded that I am not a man but a seraph in human body. (I tried to explain the fact that I do not have scientific knowledge surpassing human knowledge by thinking that I am “ciphered”.) My pride increased with this even more.

From more Bible study I concluded that my city (Perm) would be destroyed with nuclear weapon before the end of Autumn. You know that my this prophecy was false.

Once I visited a pastor and told him about these things (especially of the expected nuclear burst in Perm and my prophetic position and that I am a seraph).

Speaking with the pastor, I told that I am tired from the war with people and that it is hard for me to resist demons from taking control over my tired human body. As I spoke this, it accomplished: I’ve lost the control over my body and pronounced disgusting Russian words about Holy Spirit.

After some time passed, I realized that I was a false prophet and I am just a human not a “ciphered seraph”.

Due to my blaspheme about Holy Spirit, I considered that I would probably go to the Hell. Contrary to what you may expect, I enjoyed the possibility to go to the Hell: I thought I was the biggest of all sinners and this should be stopped, my place is in the Hell. It is what I need, to go to the Hell.

I thought about repentance, but noticed that after my first repentance I went to a worse state: I was just a regular maniacal killer, but became an evil of world magnitude. Should I repent again? Won’t it make things yet once even worse?

Some time after this, I concluded that Gospel terminates itself in the same way as Gospel terminates Old Testament. First, I realized just that my former religion was wrong. After this I tried to kill myself, but failed and after this I spent some time in a psychiatric clinic. But later I developed some elements of the new religion, after the end of Gospel and wrote the book End of Gospel after this.

But recently I thought: It is not my evil what is significant (as the world itself which I was going to harm is not significant), but God’s victory over my evil is significant. So I should repent if I can.

Salvation is by faith not by deeds. My blasphemous words about Holy Spirit were not accordingly to the faith (but accordingly a demon taking control over my body for a few seconds). So they can’t harm salvation. True blasphemy on Holy Spirit are words accordingly false faith.

So I think, I am saved and this is indeed good, I do not need to go to the Hell.

I didn’t visit a church. I did not eat Eucharist for long time. I prayed very little.

Can a church accept me, as a prodigal son? (Two notes about the location and language of such a church: 1. I write and read in English but my spoken English (to hear the preachings) is yet weak, I study English however. 2. It seems that soon I will get rich selling my second religious book, this may allow me to easily move to the location of such a church, even if it is in Australia.)

I believe in tongues but don’t speak tongues for a long time, as in my opinion (1Cor. 13:8) “… Where there are various languages, they will cease…” after the revelation of end of Gospel. Below there is my opinion on Prosperity Gospel:

Prosperity Gospel

It looks like that Gospel’s definite answer about prosperity doctrine is no! (1Tim. 6:8-9) “8 But having food and clothing, we will be content with that. 9 But those who are determined to be rich fall into a temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful lusts, such as drown men in ruin and destruction.”

This is the death of Prosperity doctrine.

But remember that in Gospel after death there is resurrection! (Jam. 1:2-4) “2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you fall into various temptations, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. 4 Let endurance have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” In this Bible verse “various” ones includes temptation of richness. So we should accept with great joy when God gives us richness. We should lack in nothing (= be rich) accordingly the above Bible quote. Also (Jam. 1:12) “Blessed is the man who endures temptation, for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life, which the Lord promised to those who love him.”

(Jam. 1:9-10) “But let the brother in humble circumstances glory in his high position; and the rich, in that he is made humble, because like the flower in the grass, he will pass away.” It is the reverse of what we thought.

Riches should understand that they are tempted more: (Jam. 5:1) “Come now, you rich, weep and howl for your miseries that are coming on you.”

My conversion story

how was your transformation from atheist to a believer in Jesus ?

When I was 9 years I decided that nothing exists. When I thought about this “philosophy” I for example clashed into walls, because I didn’t believe that walls exist.

Also I was seeking to kill myself in this age.

My female cousin told me about a (rather silly) religion. I thought about this and concluded: the cousin’s religion is wrong, but God nevertheless exists.

I canceled killing myself and started to search for the right religion.

Some time latter I received Gospel of John. I concluded: A man cannot write this (without help of God). But I doubted: I have not yet read so called “great writers” (such as Lev Tolstoy). (Now after studying literature in a school, I know that “the great writers” are nothing compared with word of God.)

Yet later I received and read complete New Testament.

But I was lead astray with other religions.

After some internal struggle (may be to 13 years age), I decided that the truth is in the Gospel.

I found a Baptist church and started to visit it. Because I realized I am not saved, I sat weeping in the Baptist meetings.

I was possessed by daemons. I also was lead astray (now I suspect that these who led me astray were Jehovah Witnesses) not believing divinity of Christ.

I “attempted” to convert many times, but due my heresy it didn’t work.

I knew that my converts were not true, as I remained a maniacal killer (a man which attacks other people without a reason, or sometimes proclaiming that I was sent by Devil). But I knew that killers are not saved.

Demons destroyed my mind. First that were just outburst of uncontrolled anger. Then I had also madness and hallucinations. Finally I found that even between periods of madness and hallucinations I lost the ability to read and count, was not able to remember my name.

When I was already unable to read, I proclaimed the doctrine of Holy Trinity, and soon after this I converted. I felt a momentary change in my state. When I converted I thought that somebody turned on a lamp, but nobody turned a lamp, it were my eyes, what changed. I was no more a madman nor a maniacal killer.

Read the continuation of this story.

I attempted to be an angel

In my earlier Christian life, I decided to do away with my emotions as belonging to “flesh”. Well, I realized that emotions are also given by God but I decided just to “use” emotions to do my “rational” acts, that is for me emotions become just an instrument.

This way I’ve become somehow similar to an angel by my relation to emotions. This was a natural consequence of my attempt to follow Gospel. This is no wonder as the word Gospel may be translated “being an angel well”.

And what has this led to? I just “reinvented” bad human emotions:

  • fear sprung out of carefulness
  • anger sprung from the desire to be just
  • greed and envy sprung from my desire to have means for a ministry
  • hatred to people sprung from hatred to their sins
  • offense sprung from my relation to evil and desire to choose better targets for my good

Purely rational creatures are bad in some competitions, because of too little flexibility of mind for such creatures. Particularly these are bad in competitions where weaker form groups to overcome stronger ones, and in this case stronger ones may loose.

This way I haven’t just remained a sinner, but become a big sinner like St. Paul was: (1Tim 1:15) “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners–of whom I am the worst.”. For example of being in conflict with some people I was in conflict with entire country of my habitation (that time it was Russia) and even in conflict with the entire mankind.

God does not need more angels. He instead wants saved people with corrected human emotions.

It is above Gospel (this word may be translated “being an angel well”) because (Heb. 2:5) “It is not to angels that he has subjected the world to come, about which we are speaking.”. We need a new level above Gospel to finish our salvation. What is this next? It is yet not known, but read my book “End of Gospel”.

Serving God for reward

Today I got this idea:

We should not serve God as slaves, because we are no more slaves, God has delivered as from slavery, as I teach in the book End of Gospel.

But we indeed can serve God for reward. God has promised to reward for righteousness. We can drive nearer to righteousness to receive God’s reward.

If we serve for reward, we are not slaves anymore because slaves serve not for reward.

This does not mean that the reward would be our reason to serve God. We are to serve Him because we love Him. But knowing what God rewards we will know what to do for Him.

This is an incentive to study Bible, to know what God rewards for.

The main idea is that we are not slaves of anybody, even not slaves of God anymore.

Three persons of God

Accordingly our belief “God is three persons in one substance”. In this blog post written by a theologian Dale Tuggy is asked what “persons” and in this blog post by the same theologian is asked what is “substance”. I feel that now I cannot understand what is “substance”. Indeed it seems that I have a fairly good understanding what is “person”.

In our trinity statement of faith (“God is three persons in one substance”) a “person” means “somebody who speaks and hears”. A person is defined by what he speaks and hears.

(Psalms 2:7-9)
7 I will tell of the decree. Yahweh said to me, “You are my son. Today I have become your father.
8 Ask of me, and I will give the nations for your inheritance, The uttermost parts of the earth for your possession.
9 You shall break them with a rod of iron. You shall dash them in pieces like a potter’s vessel.”

Here God the Father speaks with God the Son. From this is clear that sayings and hearings of Father and Son are distinct. Father and Son are two different persons.

So, there are three distinct (different) persons of God.