My conversion story

how was your transformation from atheist to a believer in Jesus ?

When I was 9 years I decided that nothing exists. When I thought about this “philosophy” I for example clashed into walls, because I didn’t believe that walls exist.

Also I was seeking to kill myself in this age.

My female cousin told me about a (rather silly) religion. I thought about this and concluded: the cousin’s religion is wrong, but God nevertheless exists.

I canceled killing myself and started to search for the right religion.

Some time latter I received Gospel of John. I concluded: A man cannot write this (without help of God). But I doubted: I have not yet read so called “great writers” (such as Lev Tolstoy). (Now after studying literature in a school, I know that “the great writers” are nothing compared with word of God.)

Yet later I received and read complete New Testament.

But I was lead astray with other religions.

After some internal struggle (may be to 13 years age), I decided that the truth is in the Gospel.

I found a Baptist church and started to visit it. Because I realized I am not saved, I sat weeping in the Baptist meetings.

I was possessed by daemons. I also was lead astray (now I suspect that these who led me astray were Jehovah Witnesses) not believing divinity of Christ.

I “attempted” to convert many times, but due my heresy it didn’t work.

I knew that my converts were not true, as I remained a maniacal killer (a man which attacks other people without a reason, or sometimes proclaiming that I was sent by Devil). But I knew that killers are not saved.

Demons destroyed my mind. First that were just outburst of uncontrolled anger. Then I had also madness and hallucinations. Finally I found that even between periods of madness and hallucinations I lost the ability to read and count, was not able to remember my name.

When I was already unable to read, I proclaimed the doctrine of Holy Trinity, and soon after this I converted. I felt a momentary change in my state. When I converted I thought that somebody turned on a lamp, but nobody turned a lamp, it were my eyes, what changed. I was no more a madman nor a maniacal killer.

Read the continuation of this story.

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I attempted to be an angel

In my earlier Christian life, I decided to do away with my emotions as belonging to “flesh”. Well, I realized that emotions are also given by God but I decided just to “use” emotions to do my “rational” acts, that is for me emotions become just an instrument.

This way I’ve become somehow similar to an angel by my relation to emotions. This was a natural consequence of my attempt to follow Gospel. This is no wonder as the word Gospel may be translated “being an angel well”.

And what has this led to? I just “reinvented” bad human emotions:

  • fear sprung out of carefulness
  • anger sprung from the desire to be just
  • greed and envy sprung from my desire to have means for a ministry
  • hatred to people sprung from hatred to their sins
  • offense sprung from my relation to evil and desire to choose better targets for my good

Purely rational creatures are bad in some competitions, because of too little flexibility of mind for such creatures. Particularly these are bad in competitions where weaker form groups to overcome stronger ones, and in this case stronger ones may loose.

This way I haven’t just remained a sinner, but become a big sinner like St. Paul was: (1Tim 1:15) “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners–of whom I am the worst.”. For example of being in conflict with some people I was in conflict with entire country of my habitation (that time it was Russia) and even in conflict with the entire mankind.

God does not need more angels. He instead wants saved people with corrected human emotions.

It is above Gospel (this word may be translated “being an angel well”) because (Heb. 2:5) “It is not to angels that he has subjected the world to come, about which we are speaking.”. We need a new level above Gospel to finish our salvation. What is this next? It is yet not known, but read my book “End of Gospel”.

Serving God for reward

Today I got this idea:

We should not serve God as slaves, because we are no more slaves, God has delivered as from slavery, as I teach in the book End of Gospel.

But we indeed can serve God for reward. God has promised to reward for righteousness. We can drive nearer to righteousness to receive God’s reward.

If we serve for reward, we are not slaves anymore because slaves serve not for reward.

This does not mean that the reward would be our reason to serve God. We are to serve Him because we love Him. But knowing what God rewards we will know what to do for Him.

This is an incentive to study Bible, to know what God rewards for.

The main idea is that we are not slaves of anybody, even not slaves of God anymore.

Three persons of God

Accordingly our belief “God is three persons in one substance”. In this blog post written by a theologian Dale Tuggy is asked what “persons” and in this blog post by the same theologian is asked what is “substance”. I feel that now I cannot understand what is “substance”. Indeed it seems that I have a fairly good understanding what is “person”.

In our trinity statement of faith (“God is three persons in one substance”) a “person” means “somebody who speaks and hears”. A person is defined by what he speaks and hears.

(Psalms 2:7-9)
7 I will tell of the decree. Yahweh said to me, “You are my son. Today I have become your father.
8 Ask of me, and I will give the nations for your inheritance, The uttermost parts of the earth for your possession.
9 You shall break them with a rod of iron. You shall dash them in pieces like a potter’s vessel.”

Here God the Father speaks with God the Son. From this is clear that sayings and hearings of Father and Son are distinct. Father and Son are two different persons.

So, there are three distinct (different) persons of God.