In the past I lived in enmity with all people and in extreme poverty because:
I needed to understand how not to “betray” God. But to betray God is a thing as little as to once say “I am not of Christ” (or “I do not believe” or something). But this “little” thing looks like below other sins. On the other hand, we know that betraying God is a very big sin. So my reasoning fell into a vicious circle: When I compared different sins A and B I concluded both that A is greater than B and B is greater than A. This is a contradiction and messed my reasoning completely. Betraying God seemed “innocent” in this false “logic”. But then I had no proper reasoning of Christian economical responsibilities, as any work for profit looked as something worse than to betray God (because to betray God is a little thing), due a contradiction. (I didn’t know the exact criterion of a sin, so being “for profit” was the criterion which I “used” to determine if something is a sin, because I had no better criterion.) So I wasn’t able to get money or to reconcile with my enemies.
The only exit from this circle is to cancel the concept that I must follow every particular commandment of the covenant with God, but consider the covenant self-canceled and live only by its spirit not by letter anymore.
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