I attempted to be an angel

In my earlier Christian life, I decided to do away with my emotions as belonging to “flesh”. Well, I realized that emotions are also given by God but I decided just to “use” emotions to do my “rational” acts, that is for me emotions become just an instrument.

This way I’ve become somehow similar to an angel by my relation to emotions. This was a natural consequence of my attempt to follow Gospel. This is no wonder as the word Gospel may be translated “being an angel well”.

And what has this led to? I just “reinvented” bad human emotions:

  • fear sprung out of carefulness
  • anger sprung from the desire to be just
  • greed and envy sprung from my desire to have means for a ministry
  • hatred to people sprung from hatred to their sins
  • offense sprung from my relation to evil and desire to choose better targets for my good

Purely rational creatures are bad in some competitions, because of too little flexibility of mind for such creatures. Particularly these are bad in competitions where weaker form groups to overcome stronger ones, and in this case stronger ones may loose.

This way I haven’t just remained a sinner, but become a big sinner like St. Paul was: (1Tim 1:15) “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners–of whom I am the worst.”. For example of being in conflict with some people I was in conflict with entire country of my habitation (that time it was Russia) and even in conflict with the entire mankind.

God does not need more angels. He instead wants saved people with corrected human emotions.

It is above Gospel (this word may be translated “being an angel well”) because (Heb. 2:5) “It is not to angels that he has subjected the world to come, about which we are speaking.”. We need a new level above Gospel to finish our salvation. What is this next? It is yet not known, but read my book “End of Gospel”.

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